I am Alix Mortimer, head of state in the People’s Republic of Mortimer, where everything is perfect. I am twenty-eight but I am not entirely sure how that happened, as I was only twenty-two a few minutes ago. Oh bother, I’m twenty-nine now. You see? See how fast it goes? Whizzzzzzzzz!
I live in the faraway magical land of Muswell Hill, North London, where I read, write, talk, drink, gig and try to quit smoking. I am from Surrey originally but please don’t hold it against me. I have dark hair (lots of it) and dark eyes but despite this I never, ever tan. I walk everywhere very, very fast. My nose is not to be sniffed at. My left elbow is double-jointed and can empty a pub bar in under ten seconds.
I am a fallen bluestocking attempting to forge (or maybe “cut out and glue together”, “forge” sounds a bit purposeful) a life in which I do pretty much all the things I want, in return for having no money. I got as far as the first year of my PhD in medieval history before realising I suffered from “a lack of focus” (I find too many things interesting. But I still love reading history). I worked in publishing on Halsbury’s Statutes for a while reading legislation and summarising and annotating it, and I firmly believe anyone with any political ambition should be forced to do this so as to better understand the consequences of their actions – a sort of “naughty corner” for the mighty. After that I spent a masochistic but strangely edifying eighteen months running a private client portfolio as a tax accountant, wherein I strenuously proved to myself that I could be averagely good with numbers as well as very good with words. The result is that I can be very, very boring on the subject of tax policy, and also I can do my own tax return.
This is a tremendous boon now, because I finally realised that you only get one life, and moreover it’s not even very good, and so it is far more fun to work for yourself, live off the scraggy bits of pasta in the bottom of the basics range bags and do an awful lot of thinking. Please direct your kind suggestions to my people.
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October 17, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Just a quick note to say thanks for continually making me laugh with your ramblings. And by “ramblings” I realise that I made your thoughts of wisdom sound awfully meanial so I apologise. For some reason, your writing style just has an unquestionable ability to tickle me. Keep it up and if it makes you any happier I have a somewhat professional job and still a complete lack of money or sense of career direction so you aren’t missing much!
December 1, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Alix, you are the bees knees. I salute you and your republic (although I go in for more the benign dictatroship myself – as you know….). Keep rambling. ‘Tis a delight.
December 16, 2007 at 9:47 pm
God Lord it’s you. Can we have an item on Climate Change (capitalisation intended), please?
December 16, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Should have been ‘Good Lord’ of course (I like to get my theological language right), but it doesn’t appear possible to edit these comments as one can on niche pornography sites.
December 18, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Are your charges reasoanble for tax returns?
December 19, 2007 at 1:29 am
Hehe. They’re a damn site more reasonable than yours!
February 27, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Have a nice day !
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I just wanted to say that I have been reading your conference reports on LDV, and absolutely loved them. You’ve just hooked in another fan for your blog.
March 10, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Thank you, Stuart! I suppose I had better write the last one then, dammit…
April 24, 2008 at 11:29 am
Greetings and salutations from across the pond from a (perhaps) distant cousin. I enjoy your twist on things — makes me feel GOOD to BE a Mortimer. Thank you.
April 24, 2008 at 12:28 pm
You sound like you’re a few Focus leaflets short of a delivery route my dear.
April 26, 2008 at 9:01 am
Apologies for making a rambling comment to the wrong posting yesterday.
I was suffering from a throat infection at the time.
May 2, 2008 at 12:15 am
Just wanted to pick you up on a minor point. The un-biased BBC tonight announced that one of your hates was the fact that the horrible tories took away your free school milk. Now, you were born in 1979. Free milk was stopped for secondary schools in 1968 and for children over seven in 1971. Perhaps I’m missing something. Grow up you stupid girl!!
May 2, 2008 at 2:30 am
Great work, I remember milk being denied by the Conservatives. Did not do the dairy industry much good as well as depriving us of a milk break.
July 11, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Actually…
September 14, 2008 at 10:12 am
[...] for winning the solid gold statuette that was destined for atop my faux-marble fireplace, and to Alix Mortimer, who won the top [...]
September 20, 2008 at 12:18 am
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October 2, 2008 at 7:43 pm
So many of your entries leave me smiling and amused that I thought it time to say thank you for creating and updating such a blog!
In particular, I love this little line in your ‘about me’ section:
“I got as far as the first year of my PhD in medieval history before realising I suffered from “a lack of focus” (I find too many things interesting. But I still love reading history).”
As a 20 year old student studying for a degree in Ancient History/History, I can totally relate to this! Digression is awesome…In a bad way.
October 12, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Hello,
I like the way your tags at the moment appear to read:
“Campaigning Chris Huhne”
“Conservatives cretinism”
“Naval-gazing Nick Clegg” (perhaps unfortunately)
And my favourite:
“Raging bitterness tax trivia”
November 7, 2008 at 11:01 pm
* likes “terribly boring terrorism” herself *
I got free school milk and I’m only a SMIDGE older than Alix; it was a local authority thing, I think.
November 9, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Good grief. I blundered in here via the Kitchen, expecting you to be another splenetic middle-aged male.
I am a grizzled private client tax practitioner and have a young colleague who has just finished her masters in medieval history. She’ll like this site: I’ll let her know.
I’m also an old colleague of the Director of Policy at LD HQ. Nice bloke but away with the fairies.
February 7, 2009 at 7:17 am
If you named three core values and principles of liberalism; What would you say?
February 7, 2009 at 9:38 am
Hm, interesting Q because in a sense there’s only one core value of liberalism, which is “do whatever you like so long as it doesn’t infringe others’ rights”. This includes not only a right to do as you like, but to defend yourself against others who are trying to infringe your rights – so long as that defence doesn’t amount to an unreasonable invasion of their rights.
This works for most problems – although there can be disagreement about what your “rights” are. I.e. religious people might say they have a right not to hear/read comments about their religion that they consider offensive, but the commenter might protest that they have the right to free speech so long as they don’t harm anybody while exercising it.
Anyhoo, few liberals stop there. Two other core values that seem to me to follow on – certainly in the case of most Lib Dems I know – would be:
- generosity and tolerance towards difference, in fact an active recognition of the strengths that arise from it.
- trust in individuals to do the best for themselves and their society (from which you could gather that liberals also believe strongly in society).
I reckon most Lib Dems would say something similar to that.
March 20, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I like the blue porceline figure! It is good! Personally I always go for Blue in politics but have flirted with a little yellow at times!
Freedom is great and your sacrifice in self-employment rather than being someone elses ‘wage slave’ is most edifying!
March 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm
“I have dark hair”
Maybe that is what i like about you plus being bubbly and very bright!
Maybe I am naughty and not quite as bright as Alix! I did not start a PHD! But Alix is a great girl and i am smitten!
March 25, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Hi Alix
Just come back from the Orwell prize shortlisting do. I didnt think there could be many Alix Mortimers out there and here you are! What a lovely surprise. And congratulations on the nomination. Have really enjoyed reading through the blog. Also very much enjoyed watching a drunk Nick Cohen make a tit of himself at the shortlisting debate. Keep it up and good luck for the prize itself.
x
May 10, 2009 at 8:44 pm
You say like a drink and you now live in Manchester. Can I suggest you try visit the ‘Royal Oak’ or the ‘Fletchers’ in Didsbury – both good watering holes.
Long hair, dark eyes, fast walker – I’ll keep an eye open for you.
h
May 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm
[...] Mortimer discusses the film Zulu and female role [...]
June 1, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I’d love for you to consider getting involved in our idea for a blogging circle but couldn’t find your email address on your site. There’s more info here: http://blog.matthewcain.co.uk/blogging-circle-is-developing/
August 21, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Mortimer, I like your outlook on life. You have my completely useless blessing. I have no idea how I got onto your site but being from the beautiful Republic of Mancunia myself, I had to click on your bit on “The Mancs are revolting!” In response to the subject of Mancunians and terrorism, we honestly just dont care. I was in Birdcage before it was a terror target and the week after arrests were made.
Anyway, I shall keep this site in my…well sights.
September 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Argh, the guilt, the guilt! The lack of blogging! And more guilt! But thank you, Mr Thomas Welch.
September 18, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Hi Alix I’ve been reading your blog since Spring. (BTW it’s great reading – especially when there’s work to be done!) This is the first time I’ve commented..
I get that you’re in favour of idleness (I am too!) but surely your prolonged absence is taking things too far? People will start to think that you’ve abdicated! What must your subjects think?
(Won’t somebody think of the subjects?!?)
Please do find time to write something. Anything! About the Liberal moment? About conference? Something about medieval history (my personal favourite)?
Please*! You and Charlotte Gore – whose blog I only found via this one – have converted me to the Lib Dems! (Well I’m not a member but I did read ‘The Liberal Moment’!)
* Sorry for piling on the guilt & pathetic pleas but this is the first blog I ever read & I don’t want it to die**!
** And sorry for the melodrama!