I am Alix Mortimer, head of state in the People’s Republic of Mortimer, where everything is perfect. I am twenty-eight but I am not entirely sure how that happened, as I was only twenty-two a few minutes ago. Oh bother, I’m twenty-nine now. You see? See how fast it goes? Whizzzzzzzzz!
I live in the faraway magical land of Muswell Hill, North London, where I read, write, talk, drink, gig and try to quit smoking. I am from Surrey originally but please don’t hold it against me. I have dark hair (lots of it) and dark eyes but despite this I never, ever tan. I walk everywhere very, very fast. My nose is not to be sniffed at. My left elbow is double-jointed and can empty a pub bar in under ten seconds.
I am a fallen bluestocking attempting to forge (or maybe “cut out and glue together”, “forge” sounds a bit purposeful) a life in which I do pretty much all the things I want, in return for having no money. I got as far as the first year of my PhD in medieval history before realising I suffered from “a lack of focus” (I find too many things interesting. But I still love reading history). I worked in publishing on Halsbury’s Statutes for a while reading legislation and summarising and annotating it, and I firmly believe anyone with any political ambition should be forced to do this so as to better understand the consequences of their actions - a sort of “naughty corner” for the mighty. After that I spent a masochistic but strangely edifying eighteen months running a private client portfolio as a tax accountant, wherein I strenuously proved to myself that I could be averagely good with numbers as well as very good with words. The result is that I can be very, very boring on the subject of tax policy, and also I can do my own tax return.
This is a tremendous boon now, because I finally realised that you only get one life, and moreover it’s not even very good, and so it is far more fun to work for yourself, live off the scraggy bits of pasta in the bottom of the basics range bags and do an awful lot of thinking. Please direct your kind suggestions to my people.
Subscribe to our glorious outpourings!
October 17, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Just a quick note to say thanks for continually making me laugh with your ramblings. And by “ramblings” I realise that I made your thoughts of wisdom sound awfully meanial so I apologise. For some reason, your writing style just has an unquestionable ability to tickle me. Keep it up and if it makes you any happier I have a somewhat professional job and still a complete lack of money or sense of career direction so you aren’t missing much!
December 1, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Alix, you are the bees knees. I salute you and your republic (although I go in for more the benign dictatroship myself - as you know….). Keep rambling. ‘Tis a delight.
December 16, 2007 at 9:47 pm
God Lord it’s you. Can we have an item on Climate Change (capitalisation intended), please?
December 16, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Should have been ‘Good Lord’ of course (I like to get my theological language right), but it doesn’t appear possible to edit these comments as one can on niche pornography sites.
December 18, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Are your charges reasoanble for tax returns?
December 19, 2007 at 1:29 am
Hehe. They’re a damn site more reasonable than yours!
February 27, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Have a nice day !
March 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I just wanted to say that I have been reading your conference reports on LDV, and absolutely loved them. You’ve just hooked in another fan for your blog.
March 10, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Thank you, Stuart! I suppose I had better write the last one then, dammit…
April 24, 2008 at 11:29 am
Greetings and salutations from across the pond from a (perhaps) distant cousin. I enjoy your twist on things — makes me feel GOOD to BE a Mortimer. Thank you.
April 24, 2008 at 12:28 pm
You sound like you’re a few Focus leaflets short of a delivery route my dear.
April 26, 2008 at 9:01 am
Apologies for making a rambling comment to the wrong posting yesterday.
I was suffering from a throat infection at the time.
May 2, 2008 at 12:15 am
Just wanted to pick you up on a minor point. The un-biased BBC tonight announced that one of your hates was the fact that the horrible tories took away your free school milk. Now, you were born in 1979. Free milk was stopped for secondary schools in 1968 and for children over seven in 1971. Perhaps I’m missing something. Grow up you stupid girl!!
May 2, 2008 at 2:30 am
Great work, I remember milk being denied by the Conservatives. Did not do the dairy industry much good as well as depriving us of a milk break.