No, not another David Davis post.

Coldplay are in trouble - the far better-named Creaky Boards reckon they’ve stolen one of the songs on their new album after Chris Martin attended a Creaky Boards gig.

We in the People’s Republic are harbouring related suspicions.

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Just had to give these guys a plug really, didn’t I. Their first full album Forward March is something that’s been sitting around in my room unplayed since the Great Twitchy Midnight Finger Amazon Order Incident of August.

And I wish I hadn’t taken so long to get around to listening because they are cocking marvellous. Try if you like the Arcade Fire, Clap Your Hands, Walkmen, Kings of Leon, early Flaming Lips and other like whimsical grand-sweep instrumental indie.

My grip on reality is never at its strongest at 7am, so it is the worse for me when I leave my radio tuned to Xfm rather than #4, because then I get woken up by Xfm news. This typically starts with garbled versions of the three stories uppermost in the tabloids’ minds, then finishes on a fourth item that is either music-related and utterly mundane (“Following their sell-out gig at Brixton, the Foos have said they are feeling a bit tired”) or so bizarre and disturbing it was surely made up to fill in airwaves. This can be the only explanation for the “and finally” that penetrated the Mortimer cranium this morning:

David Cameron is on a fact-finding mission to California to find out how they deal with gangs, and has been having talks with Arnie Schwarzenegger.

 See what I mean? It shouldn’t happen to a half-asleep person.

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