It was my hypnotherapist who told me that Ming had resigned. You couldn’t make that up, so I haven’t. After we have finished unpicking my brain in search of the little button marked “smoke yourself into an early grave” I rush home and channel-surf frantically.
This doesn’t take long as we only have terrestrial tv in the People’s Republic. We are in the mid-evening news drought! I fire up the computer. It shakes its head listlessly, and refuses to move beyond the startup screen. It says there is a system error – what it really means by this is that the webcam software has buggered it up, but it is far too polite to say so. Leaving it lying with dull, glazed eyes in the corner, I pace up and down the sitting room, newsless. Here! In the age of information! Even now little ones and zeros are flashing past me like invisible shoals of fish! I can see Ally Pally BBC mast from the sitting room window, but no matter how much I jump up and down with a wire coathanger I can detect no news.
I Phone a Friend. It is Grammar Police.
“Hello,” he says pleasantly, “How are you?”
“What’s happened?” I bark, as if I am Leo McGarry and he is Josh Lyman.
“Well, he’s resigned, and the letter’s online. That’s about it at the moment really.”
“And is everyone blogging about it without me?”
“Well, mostly people are saying how sad and surprising it is.”
“But what about the forums? What’s the gossip? Everyone must be talking about it on LDV without me!”
“Hm, well the last post on LDV is something about English loan words in Welsh.”
“Oh,” I say, crestfallen.
“That’s partly your fault, I believe.”
We chew over what little fat there is, and I am forced to accept that the party must cope without my unique medievalist perspective for the time being. While I wait for Newsnight, I watch the docudrama about the relief of Belsen, and if you missed it through being pointlessly and lastingly glued to News 24 I can assure you it is very good and well worth catching on repeat.
But there is a happy ending (to my personal newsless trauma, you collect, not to the resignation. Or to said docudrama) as this morning I discover courtesy of Ryan that FF now stock a female blogger’s t-shirt!
So they’ll make one sale anyway…